Its hard to swallow.

Im sick...
I just started my new job and so far its been pretty swell.

Have you ever seen that show called The Office. All the things I want to happen are based on that show. So far its been a dissapointment except the random parties. I started on the 1st of June. There has been 3 parties.

What sucks is. I'm lonely. Thats hard to swallow huh? Denise is never lonely, but omg it's true. I havent spoken to any of my high school friends in a while maybe. I havent seen any of my youth group friends either. I want to go out late at night and come home late. I want to be Young and Reckless! but no... just no.

I noticed Ive been really sad since I quit my job in Greenpeace. I guess thats when I realised why Humans hate each other. It because we suck. Its not an individual suckiness, its as a collective we suck. Im one of those people who believe people are awesome, but then meeting the general public made me realise all the hate in the world. Its like that frosted glass that make things blurry, has been shattered to show what ewwy thing is on the other side. In other words my view of the world has now been changed. Its so depressing.

I hate those things. I hate thinking about the future, life, fun, whats going to happen, where Im heading, what Im leaving behind, who is going with me, taxes, death, growing up, adulthood, becoming a contributing part of society, the past.

I remember when we didn't think about those things. Might ask what happened? Life flipping happened. I just wasn't prepared for it. What sucks is, everyone is busy to go through it with me.

Somethings wrong.

I don't know what it is. My mental health is screwing me over. I've felt this before and I got scared. It's annoying. Emotions right now are of confusion, hate, annoyance, angst just feelings!? I DONT KNOW.

Normally I just breath, feelings/emotions= neutral...

This is funny because yesterday was R U OK DAY.

Now I don't know if I'm ok.

I'm listening to such sad music. Listening to other peoples unhappiness touches me. It makes me happier. Today it's Sage Francis.

I learnt to keep some things private. But in the spirit of R U OK YESTERDAY I'll post my vague feelings. But I think Jens the only one that reads my blog. Hey Jen R U OK? Subscribe to podcast called KEXP they have brilliant songs mostly Indie. Thats where I found Sage Francis. He's what one calls indie hip hop. Its awesome. Cheered me up after listening to that one song like five times.

See ya. Oh and I think i'll use Pocahontas as my other supplementary text. I just have to watch it again.

Have a good day

Cause I promised my future self.

"He looked at the sky and told me to look at the stars. So, I looked up, and we were in this giant dome like glass snowball, and he said that the amazing white stars were only really holes in the black glass of the dome, and when you went to heaven, the glass broke away, and there was nothing but a whole sheet of star white, which was brighter than anything but doesn't hurt your eyes. It was vast and open and thinly quiet, and I felt so small." -January 1 1992. The Perks of Being A Wallflower

Almost three weeks away. My lovers are you excited? I promised my future self that I would work hard but as usual procrastination is getting the best out of me.

I sit here in front of Rodrigo typing about the best third person novel I have read in such a long time. The Perks of Being A Wallflower was recommended to me by T-dog she told me that I reminded her of the protagonist and that I would love it. And YES I do love it and somehow the Protagonist did remind me of him. This story gave me insight of what was my place in life. I was a wallflower. I used to watch what others were doing. What was happening in their lives listening to their stories and not making up my own. I loved that. I grew older and sure why not lets get rebellious lets start a riot. I finally had my own stories. Life got more exciting and just a bit more angsty. This is my life and that is pretty much what happened in the book minus the drugs and less drama but same indie music. I haven't finished it yet. But I will recommend it to you. Finish what ever your studying and buy or borrow it.

"Do you always think this much, Charlie?" "Is that bad?" "Not necessarily. It's just that sometimes people use thought to not participate in life." "Is that bad?" "Yes."

Time of No Reply- Nick Drake.

SMASH 10 totally worth not studying for trials.

Haven't posted anything in almost two years. I though it would be appropriate to post something after one of the greatest days I've had in years. SMASH 2010. So Smash for me started in 2007 where the prices where only $9 for pre registration. I was so high then. ANIME AND MANGA! Cosplayers gaming epic art. I still have a bunch of badges that i bought at the very first smash. since then I have been to all SMASH events seeing really awesome things like men dressing as Claymore, epic art, cheap manga, meeting heaps of people and occasionally finding hot cosplayers. Sadly I can't find any of the photos from then. Good times though.

Captain From Hellsing. SMASH 2010

Hottest guy I've ever seen in cosplay

At 2010 SMASH we saw the epic high point. It had all the awesome things that makes smash but this year we had a MOSHPIT to KARAOKE! I totally started the first one with my one person moshpit on the sides then people started copying me and i joined them with thrash dancing. Then on the last song the guys on stage decided to start a moshpit and that was when it got BIG! We all fist pumped, we all did air guitar solos, we thrashed danced, we jumped, we all group hugged. I also started the group hug.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1560355656766&ref=mf

This year we also saw the sold out sign in the front of SMASH doors. I WAS LIKE WTH THATS EPIC! I'm glad I always preregister. There were also heaps of cross dressing men this year. I saw one and I was like YOUR A BOY! Norimi and I were also fangirling on the cosplayer that is Captain. She was dressed as a Vocaloid, and was so cute. She got a really AWESOME picture of her and Tuxedo mask he was such a gentleman. We also made a friend called Zine he was all by himself so he joined our group for a bit. THIS YEAR I WENT TO THE MADE CAFE this was the first time ever since I started. EPIC SMASH EVERYONE!

It was totally worth not studying for trials

We're from Barcelona

Check out this band called I'm From Barcelona. I like them. They are indie and really supermega happy music. I found them when I was looking through peoples blog trying to find something to crochet. By the way I made a black cat. Its rectangular and I named him Gilligan after Stewart Gilligan Griffin. I think he is so Cute >.<

It's the start of the Holidays and I'm having the time of my life. Today I went asian food shopping and had the hardest time trying to find out what kind of tofu to buy. I saw my friend and asked her to recomend a type of tofu for fried noodles. She said when her mum made fried noodles she used square tofu in a plastic container and of she went looking for tofu in the packaging described. She came back and held out a package. "How about this?" She asked me.
I was like " That's green bean curd tofu"
She was like "Haha thats not even tofu, I didn't read the packet".
I then asked a man what type of tofu to use for fried noodles and he was like get the fried tofu.
I was like but we're going to fry it. But he kept insisting to get it. In the end I didn't get any tofu. (Sad face)

I've been reading Bleach again. I was so behind. Last time I read Bleach was a very long time ago and I was in the middle of the soul society arc. Even though I like Ichigo and Rukia pairing and was thinking that omg these two will get together someday (horay for fanfiction) I decided that I like Renji and Rukia pairing better, they are much more realistic and the look even more adorable than Ichigo and Rukia. BUT I really liked this page with Ichigo and Rukia http://www.onemanga.com/Bleach/195/19/
but this one of Rukia and Renji. I have to look for it, but it's really cute cause he's like NO I WILL NOT LET RUKIA GO!
It was pretty hard to choose between the two pairings though.
Any way more BLEACH even though it's almost 2am.
ttfn tahtah for now.

P.s remember the tofuman in my tofu story. For somereason I randomly bowed to him. I BLAME KENDO FOR MAKING ME RANDOMLY BOW AT PEOPLE!

Naruto chapter 424

So yeh. The New chapter of Naruto is out and i am so bloody devastated. I get sad when people in manga die unless it someone I don't like.

So in the latest chapter of Naruto Chouji's dad is dead or dying cause he sacrificed himself to save his son. Now Kakashi told Chouji to run to Lady hokage to tell her the new found info about Pein and friends but then one of Pein's underlings (the one that sacrificed himself to save Pein#1) come back into action and shoots a homing missile thats aimed at Chouji. So right now Chouji is running and the missile is behind him. Kakashi who is ready to give up his life to get the new information to Hokage (he just can't wait to die). By this time Kakashi doesnt have anymore chakra left cause hes been battling Pein, so what Kakashi does he freaking uses the last of his chakra to activate his one eyed mangekyou sharingan and some how he made the missile disappear. So now he is dying.

Seriously stupid Kishimoto why on earth would you kill the most awesomest character in your whole series. Like COME ON Kakashi is so cool hes got freaking awesome skills probably one of the strongest people in the whole series for crying out loud.

WHY WOULD YOU KILL OFF KAKASHI.

and yes he is hot!

Tales of a teenaged 365 days and 15 year old ice tea drinker

Yes well... I should be asleep by now. Maybe I don't wanna. It's too hot and there is atleast 1 hour until I am oficially the age of 16. Yes i can get a concession card but it wont fit in my cute yellow wallet purse.

During this 15 years of my life I have realised one thing. I was destined to be a rebel pirate that was abandoned by her parents in year 1 (or something like that) because they though I would be okay by myself because my sister was in the same school. I remembered this memory not long ago and then I told my dad and he was silent after I told him this, it was funny. I reckon this is why I like to leave the house for a long time and my parents wouldn't be angry.

Anyway last hour of being 15. I'm scared of whats gonna happen tommorow when I get bashed with 17 punches from each and everyone of my friends (I have alot). During the final hours I have not been doing my work which I should have done a long time ago. I have been cranky little child refusing anyone to touch my stuff especially the R4 usb and not helping my sister with putting a new game on it. Turns out that the game was boring... My crankiness lessened when i decided to have dinner at 9 30. It was a nice pumpkin beef soup thingo my mother made. I also had Ice tea.

All through out the night I was looking up games to download for my R4. I decided to make a list of my accomplishments in this past year.

Join Kendo.
Make friends with random people i have never spoken to.
Pass several exams without studying.
Finish Pokemon diamond in 48 hours
Kill Maester Seymour.
Learn to swear in 6 different languages(I used to know how to say the s word in Finnish but i have forgotten)
Add puzzle pirate crew mates on face book
Learn how to make amigurumi toys on the internet.
Get into an anime convention for free

Meh I won't be staying up late to wait till 12 strikes eh. Maybe i'll play Mario Kart or something.